Humor News

fmylife — Today, my 15-year-old daughter got her head stuck under the couch. FML

fmylife — Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

awkwardfamilyphotos — “This is a portrait of me and my mom take at the local Woolworth’s in the late 70′s. My mom thought it would be cute to take photos in our tank tops. I posted this pic on FB as it’s always been one of my favorites; I thought it was...

passiveaggressivenotes — STAHP. related: The Internet is leaking.

awkwardfamilyphotos — There are two schools of thought. (submitted by Samantha)     

fmylife — Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

fmylife — Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

fmylife — Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

fmylife — Today, my 16 year old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

theonion — WASHINGTON—According to a national poll conducted by the Pew Research Center Monday, the vast majority of Americans are currently more concerned about the demise of Planet Krypton, the native world of the comic book character Superman recently depic...

theonion — American and Taliban leaders confirmed yesterday that they would meet face-to-face this week in the Taliban’s newly opened political office in Qatar to discuss a formal peace agreement to end the 12-year war in Afghanistan.

theonion — WASHINGTON—Americans across the country expressed their excitement Wednesday over the upcoming release of Value Meal, a feature-length documentary that will, at long last, shed some light on America’s fast food restaurant chains.

theonion — NEW YORK—Though he was once confused by the number of frail, seemingly mentally unstable people concentrated around the Houston and Broadway area of Manhattan, local man Paul Nichols, 38, told reporters Monday that as soon as he figured out there wa...

thebloggess — A series of emails between me and my husband: me:  Hey.  Wanna see what I’m gonna look like when I’m old? Victor: Is that a hat? DO NOT BUY A HAT. We live in Texas, for God’s sake. me:  It’s not a “hat”, Victor.  You’re insulting all three of us here. Victor:  …Three? me:  Victor: This...

theonion — BRISTOL, CT—Expressing confusion and annoyance upon reading the phrase, sources confirmed Wednesday that someone at ESPN thinks it’s okay to call something the “Confed Cup” with no further context or explanation.

theonion — LOS ANGELES—Upon emerging from an advance screening of the Walt Disney Pictures film The Lone Ranger, representatives of the country’s American Indian population enthusiastically praised the action-adventure comedy Wednesday, telling re...

awkwardfamilyphotos — It will be tough for them when the little one leaves the nest. (submitted by Jack)     

theonion — WASHINGTON—Calling a press conference Wednesday to address a matter of grave seriousness, a major public organization reportedly reassured those in attendance that steps will be taken and that every effort will be made to rectify the problem if one ...

theonion — WINDHELM, SKYRIM—Having completely filled out his skill tree, obtained every unique item, and successfully completed each quest and subquest within the expansive virtual world of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, fully leveled-up video game charac...

fmylife — Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her...

fmylife — Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

theonion — ST. LOUIS—While admitting he’d been nervous at first about the seriousness of the felony he was committing, local kidnapper Milt Horton reported Wednesday that his abduction and ransoming of a 7-year-old boy “could not be going any more ...

theonion — WASHINGTON—According to a Pew Research Center poll conducted this week, the overwhelming majority of Americans admitted they would actually be fairly interested in having a magnetic, forceful dictator oversee and control all aspects of American soci...

cracked — By Hillery Alley  Published: June 19th, 2013  For centuries, humans have been entranced by the otherworldliness of Mars. Our planetary neighbor has influenced so many groundbreaking works of science fiction, such as Edgar Rice Burroughs' John Carter series, H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds, Dwa

fmylife — Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't been to the dentist in two years and definitely doesn't plan on it because, "That's just how the government steals more money." FML